Top 3 Reasons We Want Beyonce and Jay Z to Spawn a Female

Beyonce

So apparently, an anonymous source told In Touch Weekly—you know, the beacon of truth—that Beyonce and Jay Z are having a girl. I don’t believe either of them have confirmed it yet, and of course we just want the baby to be healthy; but here’s why a girl would be especially awesome:

(1) You know damn well she’d be born wearing a full face of make-up and designer jeans. This girl would be a di-va, no doubt.

(2) “Run the World?” “Single Ladies?” Hellooooo?! If this child could take after her mom, that would be ideal. Beyonce looks like she’s scary enough to devour any person and then spit them back out again, all while wearing stilettos and a leotard and performing the most complicated dance number, like, ever.

(3) No man would ever mess with this child. One wrong move and he’d be toast. All she’d have to say is, “My mother will snap you with her bare acrylics” and he’d be done.

Hey folks, let us know the sex of the baby so we can start shopping!